Now go ahead and listen to how this sentence sounds again. "I wouldn't say that it is 100% a bad word to use but it should be used wisely and at the proper times." Now lets take a look at it and break it down. I first say something neutral about the word "but" and then after "but" I warn you that it should be used carefully I also through in an "and" to warn you again.
So what does this all mean and why did I engineer such a relatively in important sentence?
Well the word "but" is very powerful. When used in a sentence people tend to pay less attention to the first part of the sentence (pre-but) and remember the part after the "but" (post-but). With the word and it is more neutral and people will hear both sides (post-and & pre-and). Can you see why this is powerful now? Lets look at the sentence again and ill explain what I did. In the pre-but I say "I wouldn't say that it is 100% a bad word to use but" This I want you to forget. Then in the post-but/pre-and I say "it should be used wisely" then again in the post-and you hear "and at the proper times" both of these are warnings I want you to not only hear but feel.
Heres a simple change you can make.
When having to give some one a negative response use the word "but"!
Instead of saying "Hey Jill I can't help you today, I have xyz to do today."
Just throw in a but! "Hey Jill I can't help you today but tomorrow I get off at 3 we can do it then for sure."
First) I personally would drop the excuse because no one likes to here excuse (but we can talk about that in a later post)
Second) With the help of the but it takes the attention away from the "I cant help you" and places is it on the "I will help you tomorrow after work"
So start making this simple change and break good and bad news more easily to people!